The Seven Questions Book Tag

I stole this from Anna over at Bookends and Bwopper-Eels. I've had the tag itch for some time and this proved to be a satisfying fulfillment. 

Do you prefer a male or female main character? 

I would say I generally prefer male main characters, surprisingly. It depends on the context. I just find that there are more male main characters that I find to be believable or enjoyable to spend time with. Further, male main characters tend to do more interesting things without having to be blatantly obvious about being different in doing so. (Like, no male MC is claiming to be different because he shoots archery. He just goes and does it and is cool about it, but the girls have to go on a rampage about how they're different). But if I truly sat down and cataloged my favorite characters, I think I would find it a more even split. I also enjoy a lot of stories that involve ensembles of characters, making it even more difficult to determine if it's really a male or female lead.

Do you prefer colorful, attention grabbing covers or simple, understated ones? 

I have to say, I have some favorites in both categories. For example, I think I've waxed eloquent about the Firebird Trilogy covers and the Dreamtreaders cover, which are very colorful and attention grabbing. I especially like the layering of the colors in both series. However, I recently read Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake and found its more minimalist design pleasing and well-suited to the story.

A character you'd like to have as your boss at work?

Ooh, this is tough. I have  to decide who I would like to have bossing me around and who also has a deep appreciation for animals, but can also keep their head screwed on straight while under pressure. I feel like Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars might honestly make a good veterinary supervisor. His dry wit would certainly be welcome.

Books-a-Million or Barnes and Noble?

I love BAM, even though I don't frequent the one near me all that often. I find they tend to have a slightly better Christian book selection than B&N, so I'd say they're my favorite between those two. In reality, my favorite bookstores are a local chain called Schuler's that sells new and used volumes and Baker Book House, which is a Christian fiction outlet (they always have great deals and somehow manage to always spend 50 or more dollars). I look forward to being able to frequent bookstores again.

What age range of characters do you prefer to read about?

I still read a lot of teen and middle-grade fiction (teens to early twenties). I wish there were more clean books about people in their 20s and 30s. Maybe I'll set out to remedy that.

What would you tell someone who defiantly proclaims, "I don't like reading! Why should I?"

My first question would be if they had read anything outside of assigned school reading. I would then ask them what TV or movies they liked and hand them a stack of books that they might enjoy. I find that a lot of people who have grown unaccustomed to reading enjoy listening to audiobooks more than reading directly, so I might suggest that to them as well.

Thanks for letting me steal, Anna! Feel free to hop on board and join in the fun!

Don't Suffocate Compassion

Ah, the dreaded COVID-19 opinion piece. Let me start out by saying that I don't intend to tell anyone how to live with this article, only to take a moment to think and take a deep breath. The whole point of this is that we're in different places and circumstances right now; what I say may or may not apply to you. And please, don't use this to bash, single-out, or chastise anyone. This is a piece for self-reflection (myself included).

Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

There's a blanket of fear draped over the world right now--internet and in-person. It's understandable; six months ago, I doubt any of us would have predicted we'd be living in a global epidemic that's triggering unprecedented public health measures and likely preceding a global economic decline. Our habits, luxuries, livelihoods, and even lives are at stake. Fear is a natural response to such life-changing events.

Unfortunately, we seem to be burying ourselves in that blanket of fear until it's suffocating us. Moreover, it's suffocating our compassion.

As much as we like to say that we're all "alone together", the fact is that we only get glimpses into what others are experiencing.

For me, this outbreak has been a string of inconveniences, low-grade irritation, and mild anxiety about the future. I came back from a servant event in Florida, looking forward to visiting my parents a few times, celebrating my birthday and Easter, competing in a half marathon that I'd trained two months for, and starting to make plans for summer vacations.

All that has been put on the back burner to shuffle work schedules every other week as the vet hospital asks us to do more tasks, be more flexible, and burn vacation hours rather than work overtime. My spare time has been spent not looking at campsites, but sewing face masks to wear to work and in public. My visits to my parents have been replaced with Skype calls, my motivation to train for a half marathon that I'll run by myself has all but died, and Easter left me pondering that this is probably the longest I've gone without setting foot in a church in my entire life.

This is not to be "woe is me". This is just the only story I've experienced.

Source

I haven't experienced the lifestyle of a human nurse working double overtime to save patients without adequate PPE, living in a hotel to protect my family from the virus.

I haven't been a father watching his family business crumble under lockdown measures and wondering if he'll even have something to pass onto his family.

I haven't been a single person confined to my apartment for days, weeks, without any in-person interaction while laid off and trying to follow social distancing guidelines, but yearning for a drink with friends.

I haven't stood at someone's deathbed as they passed from the virus.

I haven't been a person in an abusive relationship who is now stuck at home with a violent alcoholic who was recovering, but is now driven back to drink by unemployment.

I haven't been a grocery store employee berated multiple times a day by customers and working to the bone for a small wage, just to feed my family and keep the world turning.

I haven't been a mother homebound with multiple children who needs room to think, breathe, and be away from her family for just thirty minutes.

I haven't been a new grandparent unable to see my new grandchild other than through a glass door due to fear for my own safety.

I haven't been a woman postponing the wedding she looked forward to for over a year to protect her family.

The fact is, none of us has experienced all of these stories, or the thousands more that are out there. And yet, when you scroll through the internet or listen to conversations at work, it seems that everyone thinks they have experienced all of these things--or at least, they know well enough about them to comment on them and everyone else's decisions and call them "The Problem".

I understand the fear of death. We have an opportunity to slow this virus by minimizing the people with whom we come into contact. Anyone who steps out of the strictest social distancing guidelines seems to be willfully endangering people's lives.

I understand the fear of economic decay. The economy's not going to be the same after this and even my seemingly iron-clad university job is fraught with uncertainty.  People calling for even longer or tighter shut downs seem to be willingly saying that they'd rather see people unemployed and starve.

I understand the fear of impeded freedoms. Crises like this are the perfect atmosphere for change and some of the measures taken can easily be seen as unconstitutional from an American perspective. People calling for arrests and more restrictions behind these measures seem to be calling for more governmental power and the institutionalization of a police state.

See how easily that fear turns into painting the worst intentions on everyone else's actions?

We acknowledge our own fear, but not other people's. Instead of assuming that they are struggling and afraid and responding with compassion, we assume that they have the worst intentions and are deliberately trying to cause suffering in our lives.

The fear that blankets us is suffocating our compassion for others.

We're so afraid for our own (or loved ones') safety, for our economic stability, for our ways of life, that we can't breathe. We can only see the looming shadows in the closet, not the objects that cast them.

Source

It's time that we try to peel back the fear and take a deep breath of understanding, compassion, and, as Luther would put it, "Putting the best construction on things".

We're all afraid and distant, and that makes it easy to put the worst possible intentions on others' actions.

Odds are, the man protesting the government's handling of the situation is not trying to kill people. He's probably justifiably concerned about what precedent this is going to set for our freedoms in the future. If you see his protest picture on Facebook, ask his opinion on it. Why did he go? What's he concerned about?

Likely, the nurse posting that you need to stay home and stop complaining about not working because "x number of people have died" in front of her today is not trying to crush your economic hopes and dreams and hoping you'll starve. She's probably exhausted, emotionally drained, and worried about her family. Ask if you can cook for her family or pray for her. Ask her what it's like.

Believe it or not, the family asking to reopen their landscape business is probably not in disbelief about the virus' deadliness. They're probably looking to put food on the table, trying to maintain a business they love (and have worked hard to build).  Support them when they reopen. Ask how you can help in the meantime.

It's hard when you're afraid, but try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. This is a new experience for all of us and, mostly, we're trying to do the best we can.

Undoubtedly, there are people out there who are convinced this is a scam, there are people endangering others willfully, and other people will seek to manipulate this crisis for political or economic gains in sinful ways. There are the hoarders and the fearmongers and the others who are so afraid that their behavior is becoming irrational and harmful to others and they can no longer see beyond the end of their own nose.

But don't assume those things about everyone you meet. You might be surprised about what they're going through. And what's more, you might find a way to help and show compassion. Sometimes, just feeling that you can do something to help is a powerful aid in the fight against fear.

Let's stick our heads out from beneath this blanket of fear, look each other in the eyes, and try to display some compassion to the others who are struggling. Recognize that your struggle and their struggle are different and be gracious to them as far as you are able.

Above all, remember God is still in control and ask Him for grace in these trying times. Because we certainly aren't going to make it through without His help.

"A Wrinkle in Time" (2018) Part 2

I started last week with some thoughts on the plot and characters of the 2018 adaptation of A Wrinkle in Time. This week, I'll be finishing up my review/rant with thoughts on thematic and cinematic elements of the movie. This does contain spoilers. 


Thoughts--Themes
Obviously, everyone has a different thought on the theme of a book, so I can only speak from what A Wrinkle in Time did for me as a novel and what it did for me as a movie.

The movie picked up on some themes of the novel--the iconic love conquers all, for instance--and light vs. the darkness.

Light vs. darkness took an interesting twist in the movie adaptation. The discussion of giving into evil is turned into invasion of evil--an interesting choice for a world that doesn't seem to believe in a devil any longer. People's role in giving in to evil, choosing to satisfy their inner greed and jealousy, is sidelined for a theory that something from the outside comes in and fills the emptiness. It's a subtle change in nuance.

Unsurprisingly, they opted to eliminate Scripture references from the cinematic adaptation. While not shocking, I thought at least one of the quotes (John 1:5) would have been pertinent to the themes expressed in the movie. I was also mildly surprised at the neglect of referring to the Mrs. W's as angels (or even stars)--it seemed an interesting part of backstory that was cut out. It would be a far stretch to call the novel a Christian novel--it's really rather Universalist, listing Christ right next to Buddha as a warrior for the light. But someone would have thrown a fit over religion if it had been included, I suppose.

I was also disappointed that the concept of tessering was not explained further. There's a really interesting explanation in the book that's rather iconic and I thought they had set up a nice play into it with Meg's folding note she received from her father, but I suppose they thought it was a little overfull for a kid's movie.

On a really petty side note, I was also bummed that they didn't include one of my favorite lines--"Like and equal are not the same thing at all!" The neglect of it plays into the overall botching of the Camazotz plotline. I thought it would be an interesting play considering the increased diversity of the cast. (Which they didn't beat into your skull, so it worked nicely. It felt pretty organic, really, so points for that.)

Thoughts--Movie Stuff

Alright, here we get to the part that I don't usually get to review--the cinematic appeal of things. Overall, I felt the movie was just too bright. It's a sci-fi movie, so it'll by necessity have loads of CGI, but it felt like it went out of its way to be bright, obnoxious, and almost overly stimulating. Camazotz (with the exception of IT), felt just the same as Uriel, which was ludicrous. The portrayal of IT was unconventional, but creative--a series of neuron connections instead of a disembodied brain. I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of it, but hat tip for the neurons firing.

The music, overall, didn't impress me. It just felt overwhelming and climaxed a bit too much for my taste (every little thing got a music climax). The actual plot climax didn't feel like it got a deserving score. That being said, some of the tunes repeated rather nicely.

The CGI was good, though that's not always saying much anymore. There wasn't too much that took me out of the movie with thoughts of, "Holy cow, that's a green screen!". I'm still not sure why the changed the pegasi-creatures on Uriel into flying cabbage monsters, but I'd heard about that in reviews, so it didn't shock me too terribly much.

Alright, I think I finally got all the ranting out of my system. Any thoughts? How's NaNo going?

"A Wrinkle in Time" (2018) Part 1

Be forewarned: I'm discussing the recent adaptation of  A Wrinkle in Time. If you've been following the blog for long, you know it's one of my favorite books and things could get messy. But here goes. This article does contain spoilers for both the book and the movie.

Overview
For those of you who don't know, A Wrinkle in Time follows the sci-fi adventures of Meg Murray, a young girl who is out to find her father who went missing in an inter-dimensional/space travel experiment. She's assisted by her younger brother, Charles Wallace, school friend/acquaintance Calvin, and three mysterious women: Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, and Mrs. Which. Their travels take them to various planets, where the children discover that there is a great evil in the universe which is even now trying to gain control of Earth. Meg and company must rescue her father from a planet that has given into this evil, while also not falling prey to it themselves.

Thoughts on the Movie--Plot
I promise that I really do have some good things to say about the movie. Firstly, the first two thirds of the movie did a good job of sticking to the book's plot and even the last third did a fairly good job of doing so. It was definitely recognizable as A Wrinkle in Time. 

They decided to add a couple small scenes that I felt changed the tune of things a little bit, but overall felt fine. Some were necessary for transporting the setting from the 1960's to the modern day and worked well. Why they decided to change when Mrs. Whatsit enters the story is beyond me, but it didn't hurt anything other than the general flow.

The last third of the movie saw some more significant changes in plot. They got rid of the Aunt Beast plot line, which I felt wasn't a bad choice as far as run time for the movie. Sure, I think there's a lot of thought that went into that bit, and it might not be as bad as Tom Bombadil in Fellowship of the Ring, but it's easy to remove without sacrificing terribly much of the story arc. I think leaving it out did harm Meg's character arc a little, but such is life.

Where the plot really made me unhappy was the plot on Camazotz. It went from being a planet that had been under control of The Black Thing to being The Black Thing/(The) IT itself. It went from this utterly creepy place in the book, filled with grays and a subtle mechanical-ness and off-ness to this gaudy, overwhelming, almost Alice-in-Wonderland place. It didn't feel evil. It utterly lost the chill it had of being a planet under The Black Thing's control--because part of the plot was that was what was about to happen to Earth. Rather, it became this abstract, trippy place that I wouldn't have been sure was evil if the Mrs. W's hadn't pointedly told us that. The use of the Man with the Red Eyes is the primary victim in the portrayal.

Sadly, the climax was a weak point in the movie. Rather than facing IT being pivotal for both Meg and Charles' development as people and the showdown being truly terrifying, I never felt that IT had much of a chance. Also, the voice they used for IT did not do much for me--the creepy, monster-esque voice had nothing on the calculating voice of Charles Wallace as portrayed in the book.


Thoughts--Characters

As far as characters go, they really did a good job with Meg. Overall, she's predictable as the same girl from the book, and I really felt that she was the same character, despite significant differences in appearances. There's always something lost in translation from page to screen, but they did a good job overall of staying true to her character, even if (as mentioned above), they might have done more with her story arc. For how well they did with Meg, I really wanted to like the movie more.

Unfortunately, Meg was the only character they really transferred well. Calvin wasn't terrible, but he felt...flat. You learn virtually nothing about him in the movie and there's not much to make you like him other than the fact that he befriends Meg. He has some tragic backstory about not being able to please his father, but we don't even get much about that. In the book, there's this really endearing scene where he calls home to make sure his mother knows he'll be missing dinner, even though he just gets yelled at by one of his many siblings. It makes you love him, and there's nothing similar in the movie.

Charles Wallace bugged me, though I'm still trying to figure out exactly why. He's explained to be a prodigy, but we don't see much of that. He also doesn't have much of a character arc. In the book, his character development centers around hubris. He doesn't even have much to be proud of, because we don't realize how smart he is.

Now we reach the point where I get onto my soapbox. The main downfall of this movie for me was the portrayal of the Mrs. W's. Mrs. Who transfers fairly well (though they have her quote weird things--give me more Shakespeare!), but then they have her talk without quotes so much that it loses its touch. Sadly, she's the best of the three ladies.

Mrs. Which as portrayed by Oprah does very little for me. In the book, she's mysterious, in the background, and generally elusive. In the movie, they seemed to want Oprah to take the lead. Fine, but they totally got her character wrong. Yes, it's biased, but I'm a book purist. I might have been okay with it if they had offered significant improvement over the novel, but they missed the mystery of her character to balance out the more outgoing two. (And omitted the wordplay of Mrs. Which appearing as a witch, one of many such omissions).

However, the most egregious violation of character was Mrs. Whatsit. Mrs. Whatsit goes from this comforting, warm, outrageous character to a snooty, snobbish, stuck-up prom-queen-esque disaster. (I know, I know, I'm overprotective of the book.) Really, I enjoyed a good portion of the movie, but I could enjoy very little where she was in it.

Join me next week for discussion on the themes and cinematic elements of the movie, as well as for NaNo kickoff!

Did you see the movie/read the book? What did you think? Am I overreacting?

Reflections: Define Yourself

It's hard to believe it, but I've been out of school for nine months now, working a full-time job and
finding out more about myself every day.

My day job is that of a veterinary technician/veterinary nurse with a focus in anesthesia. I'm one of the newest employees; the youngest, least experienced person in my department; and I just entered phase two of the three-part training program that will end with me answering emergency calls in the middle of the night and dropping 2000 pound horses by myself. I'm determined, hungry to learn, and stressed to the max.

At some point this week, it dawned on me that part of my stress is due to the fact that I am no longer quite the person who started nine months ago. I don't have any of the labels that meant so much to me before graduation.

"Honors Student" and "Good Test Taker" don't mean much here. It doesn't matter what my GPA was, what my test scores were, or even that I can tell you the life cycles of about 20 different parasites. I no longer study for hours into the evening on a regular basis. I don't eat, sleep, and breathe books for class.

That's not to say that my education was a waste or those skills that I developed aren't useful; I use them every single day--hourly, in fact. I still need to know the physiology of the heart, understand how the drugs I use work, and be able to identify anatomical structures for epidurals.

But what I saw myself as--a good student--isn't important here. Being a good student set me up to be a good vet tech, but it can't be my end-all be-all. My self esteem can't come from good grades on tests, or seeing my name on the dean's list.

And it's hard to find my definition of self in a workplace where feedback is hard to come by and where I'm trying to compare myself to techs who have been in the field for ten or twenty years and are amazing at what they do. I don't have a little box to tick to say that I'm doing a good job. Each day, I try to find how I can affirm that I'm good enough. That I'm living up to the definition of whatever I'm trying to define myself as.

And there's the catch, isn't it?

At the end of the day, those vocations we have will change. Student changes to employee. Son changes to Father. CEO changes to retiree.

We can't be the perfect <fill in blank here> in the limited time we have; even if we had unlimited time, we'd never be perfect. It's futile to try. Chasing these things, we'll never be satisfied. We'll always come up short. We'll always be yearning for something more if we seek fulfillment in these transient things in life.

Instead, we have something else we can define ourselves as; something that won't change. Because that definition comes from outside of us. It's placed on us by Someone else, who doesn't have an impossible to-do list of incredible things for us to do. That name is a Child of God.

Jesus died and rose for us, and, at the end of the day, that's all the definition we need for ourselves. It won't change whether we're single or married, whether we're the best at our jobs or the worst at our jobs. It won't change whether we're students or teachers.

Because we're His.

And one day, I hope that I'll more fully understand why that's enough for me.

Reality, Meet Fiction: Transportation and Weather

Reality:

It's been a snowy winter here in the midwest and we aren't even in the depths of the season yet. This is the first year I've owned a car, so it's given me a new perspective on how weather affects transportation.

For college, I moved one state north. While we don't get terribly much more snow here than I did back home, peoples' attitudes are quite different. In my home state, we were regularly given updates on road conditions by county and the roads were sometimes completely closed to allow for the plow trucks to clear them faster. People tend to drive quite slowly and carefully. Mention of a snowstorm sends people running to the stores for bread and milk days in advance.

Here, people just charge out into the snow with seemingly no concern for their own safety. Snow plows are rarely seen (or used, from the looks of the roads some days). Traveling is entirely at your own discretion. Rather than using "rumble strips" (a textured strip of pavement that makes a loud noise when you drive over it) only on the sides of the road, they're present in between lanes/directions of traffic as well. And it's a good thing--you frequently can't see the lines on the pavement.

Fiction:

How can you leverage the intersection of travel and weather in your story? Does your character know how to drive on snow? Does the airport have de-icer for airplane wings? Do roads close down when it's snowy? Does the rental car come with an ice scraper to clear off the windshield? What are your characters' opinions of what weather is safe to travel in? Do characters in a certain region own different vehicles to make travel easier?

Of course, even space has weather. How do solar storms impact spaceflight? Does your galaxy have seasons of planet alignment that are more favorable for travel?

What's Your Character's Perfect Morning?

I'm on late shift, but I'm up early. I pet my dog absentmindedly, enjoying the warmth under the covers
before I have to crawl out into the cold. He starts grumbling at me after a few minutes of belly rubs, demanding his morning walk. I smile and grump back at him in a groggy, sleepy voice before throwing off the covers and hurrying off to the icy bathroom to dress for the day.

He's bouncy when I get back. Eight years hasn't dampened his spirit too much, though he's more reluctant to go out in the cold. It's warmer than it has been in weeks though, and I happily let him drag me down the salted steps into two inches of fresh, dense snow. It doesn't blow and drift like it has for the past few weeks. My boots nearly squelch into it, rather than sending up little powdery puffs of ice crystals that sting my hands and lungs.

The black and white beast at my side has a spring in his step, grateful for the relative warmth. He darts from tree to tree, leaving massive tracks in the snow that are hastily followed by my skidding boots. Sunrise, pastel with the promise of more snow, eases its way over the horizon, casting everything in a soft glow.

After our morning ritual is over, it's time to go home. We tromp up the steps and kick the powder off of our feet. The smell of coffee wafts out the door, but I have to feed the beast first. He happily crunches through his kibble and slurps down his water before my lunch is packed. I throw his ball a few times while I wait for my bagel to toast, then settle back in the recliner to watch the fat flakes drift down as I munch on my breakfast and sip my steaming hot coffee.

I have just enough time to read a chapter or two of a book, which I crack open. One hand holds warm coffee, the other the smooth pages of a paperback. The dog throws himself at my feet, and, lacking a third hand, I rub him through the thickness of my fuzzy socks. He sighs contentedly, and I match him. It's a brief pause in the silence of the snow before the day's mayhem begins.

Soon, there'll be beeping monitors and whining, anxious dogs. Hissing cats and barking surgeons. It'll be hard to reclaim this moment's peace and quiet. But for now, it's time to enjoy the moment and be thankful for it.

What would be your main character's favorite morning? 

What's your favorite sort of morning?

Sin, Cancer, and Antagonists

Working in a veterinary hospital exposes you to any number of sad cases on a weekly basis. It's a sad fact of life that many of our companion animals live shorter lives than we do. Beyond old animal issues, there are traumatic cases, contagious diseases, and freak accidents that take the lives of pets
.

But one thing in particular that seems to claim a lot of critters: cancer.

It has a lot of names, some unpronounceable, some simple. It's not uncommon to hear someone ask if they're looking for "the badness" in a particular animal. Positive results are greeted with a string of profanities cursing the disease, deep sighs, and a sad pat on the head for a dog that probably still wags its tail.

Old, young, healthy, unhealthy. Doesn't matter.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about it is that it isn't anybody's fault. It's the body attacking itself from within, eating itself from the inside out. Sometimes it doesn't even show itself until the last moment, when there's nothing to be done.

Animals don't smoke a pack a day. They don't go to tanning salons. They don't choose to microwave their food in styrofoam or take unnecessary hormone replacements or drink excessive alcohol or work in high radiation areas or do any of the other things we avoid to try to escape the "c" word.

The badness comes for them anyhow.

Sin comes for us in much the same way.

We try to go to church and say the right things and do all the right things. We try so hard to be conscientious of our tempers, of our words, of our thoughts. But in the end, we fail.

Because the badness is already in us, eating us from the inside out.

We are by nature sinful and unclean. We cannot escape our sinful nature, our soul's innate desire to self-destruct through selfishness. It's growing within. And we can't fix it on our own. We need something from outside of us to cure it, something more powerful than ourselves. And that cure must be miraculous, or else sin will merely rear its ugly head in some other form somewhere in the body.

I think we're missing a key story element here. So often our antagonists in our stories are outside of the protagonists. We miss the opportunities that our characters themselves present. After all, if our characters are fallen humans (or fallen aliens, I suppose), they have sinful natures struggling to consume them from within, in spite of all their best efforts to prevent it from growing and spreading.

Don't get me wrong--I'm a fan of taking the Ring to Mordor to destroy the Dark Lord. The devil's real and we need to acknowledge that evil powers exist outside of human nature. However, the most terrifying battle line isn't drawn between Gondor and Mordor as good and evil clash head on; it's drawn down the center of every human heart. One side has the true picture of what God intended; the other has sin struggling to break free. It consumes from within, slowly at first, but growing.

Sometimes the enemy within is the most frightening--even if that enemy is yourself. Don't discount it in real life and don't miss out on the chance to utilize it in your stories.

Reflections on Limitations

This month was a long month. Not much went as planned. I didn't even make 5k for NaNo, posting fell off the map for a while, and not much reading happened. In "real life", my apartment fell apart, my mood sagged into a pit of self-misery, and my temper flashed short.

I don't have a good reason for it. There are some things I can point fingers at that made life difficult--the loss of a pet, a stressful, changing environment at what was already a high-tension workplace, putting in extra hours at work, fighting off a cold, or a half dozen other things. Some of those reasons are good reasons to take a moment, regroup, and reflect on life. Other parts, well, those parts are just life. Those were parts of life that I was capable of handling like a mature adult, but found every lame reason not to do so.

Instead, I found myself curled under the covers, binge watching TV while eating junk food, and dreading the work next day because I "couldn't" do anything else.

In short, I allowed myself to set fake limitations on what I could do and lived comfortably within those bounds, bemoaning how awful things had become.

Have a good attitude going into work? Nope. So and so was downright dreadful yesterday. I can't bear to work with her while having a good attitude. Who works 55 hours and comes into work with a good attitude one day later? Not me. 

Writing during some spare time at home? I'm already behind on NaNo. I'll never catch up. So what's the point of trying? It's a stupid story anyway. I've never finished something to the point of publishing it. Why do I keep trying?

Journaling? Does it even help? Why should I try? I'm so tired, and it's a waste of time. 

Clean the apartment? Tomorrow. I don't have energy today. I just want to lay here. Tomorrow I'll do better. How about today? Tomorrow. I still don't feel great. I don't have enough time after work. Even 15 minutes to do it will take too long. 

Take the dog on an extra walk because he's antsy? I'd probably feel better, but it's too cold. Maybe tomorrow. 

It quickly became a self-fulfilling prophecy of unproductivity and unachievement. I can't do that. It's too hard. Nobody even expects that of me. Why would I try? It's easier not to try. 

Too hard. Can't do it. Won't do it.

How many times are our perceived limitations just that--perceptions? What if we sat down, took a good look at ourselves, and asked what we could really do if we set our minds to it, if we let go of our comfortable limitations?

Now, I'm not saying that you should push yourself over the brink of insanity. The first two days of the month, I was legitimately taking some time for self care. As the month's gone on, I've been sleeping a lot, not out of sloth but because I can't even keep my eyes open at work as I fight off the latest bug that's been floating around. Pounding out NaNo words after getting out of work at 3 AM wouldn't have been a great choice in the interest of me being a functioning human being the next day. There's a time for self care and reasonableness and I trust you (and myself) to respect the limits we do truly have.

What I'm asking is, what if we push through the limits that we set in front of ourselves because going outside those limits would break our comfort zones?

What if we dared to clean our room because it needed done and we had a moment? What if we didn't hold back, even though we've always had a messy room so why change now?

What if we exercised even though we didn't feel like it and we never did exercise much anyways? Would we surprise ourselves by how far we could run? (If you're me, the answer is yes. Though, you may also be surprised by how much your calves burn the next day.)

What if we determined to show up to work with a smile on our face in spite of the slights our coworkers had given us, in spite of the stress, and in spite of the hours we've worked?

Our limitations are often a result of what we expect of ourselves. We expect to keep a messy room because we've always done that. We expect to not write because we haven't written the past three days. We expect to be grumpy at work because it's been a hard week. Then, rather than exceeding those expectations, we limit ourselves.

It hurts to push past expectations and limitations. We have to give up a part of ourselves that we've become attached to, begun to identify with. We have to give up our identity as someone who was never good at organizing. We have to give up our self-loathing over the fact that we can't write as often as we want. We have to give up our entitlement to grumpiness and brooding at work.

A lot of people in books became heroes because they did what "couldn't" be done. No one could reasonably expect to hit the exhaust port on the Death Star--after all, it's impossible, even for a computer. But Luke didn't let that stop him from giving it a go.

You don't simply walk into Mordor. Not with 10,000 men could you enter and destroy the Ring. But a three foot hobbit set out without knowing whether Mordor was left or right.

Likewise, working people can't possibly self-publish a book, or keep a clean house, or exercise, or do other things they love. People working long hours can't possibly muster a good attitude on a Monday.

Yet people do it all the time.

We scoff and wonder how they do it, say it must be fake, wonder what else they're doing to do what they do, and allow ourselves to whisper, I could never do that. 

That whisper becomes our safe haven, our justification for our limitations. I'm not like them. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough, old enough, smart enough, tough enough, resourceful enough... the list goes on.

But what if we told that voice to stuff a sock in it and gave it a shot anyways?

You're out of shape. You're not mentally tough enough to run 2 miles anymore. Oh yeah? I'll run 4. And this time, I'll take a hot bath so I don't gimp around for two days.

You just drove for two hours. Nobody expects you to clean the dishes in the apartment, so why don't you just be lazy and let them sit? Because the place has been messy too long and I have the time to clean, that's why. I'll do the dishes and clean my closet, too.

Your  workplace is full of people with awful attitudes. Nobody would notice if you picked up on the same tone. It's easier that way. Maybe it's easier, but it's not who I want to be. It's not who God wants me to be. I can at least come in with a smile on my face and be ready to work. I can learn from anyone, even if they can be condescending. I can be pleasant and professional, so I 'm going to be.

Why write if you're never going to get published? You've never finished anything. Maybe I haven't. But maybe I just haven't found the right story yet. And if writing helps me process life, it isn't a lost cause.

You're never going to be the smartest, or the toughest, or the best technician, or a best selling writer. Why bother? Because even though I might not be the best of the best, I can be the best of me. And I know I'm going to fall on my face and leave dishes in the sink and complain at work and not exercise and not write in spite of my best intentions, but I'm not going to let that become my norm. I'm not going to set those limitations on myself, even when I fail and fulfill only my basest expectations for myself. When that happens, I'm going to ask for grace and mercy from my Father, who knows all my failings and all my potentials. I'm going to ask Him for forgiveness and the grace to do better.

And then I'm going to dust off my bloody knees, pick up my pen, roll up my sleeves, stick a smile on my face and tell that stupid little voice in my head to go fly a kite instead of telling me what I can and can't do.

Reflections on Thanksgiving

This week is Thanksgiving week in the U.S. It's a time where we remember our history, but also a time for reflection on the many blessings that we've been given. While it's a state-instituted holiday, many churches take the time to offer an extra service in special observation of gratitude for God's many blessings. Today's thoughts come from my pastor's sermon this past Sunday in preparation for the week, as well as some of my own personal thoughts from the past month or so (which hasn't been easy).

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a naturally thankful person. It takes effort to remind myself to be grateful for the many blessings that I've been given. Perhaps this unsettledness is a result of my striving for greater things and dreaming big. I'm always planning my next project, my next goal, my next hobby. And it seems I never have the time, the energy, the money, or the right mood to do what I want, even as an adult with a well-paying job.

I get sucked up in what I don't have. On the late shift? I don't have evenings to make dinner. On the early shift? I don't have time to work out or work around the house. (Keep in mind these shifts are the same length of time and only two hours different).

Just got a big paycheck, but I couldn't do what I wanted because I spent the extra time at work. Just got a small paycheck but couldn't do what I wanted to do because I didn't have the extra money.

It's too cold. Too hot. Too rainy. Too muddy. Too dark.

I don't have enough time to write a full NaNo novel, so I won't write at all. I don't have enough time to clean the apartment all at once, so I'll waste an hour on Facebook instead of starting cleaning even a little bit.

There's a parable that Jesus told to the disciples--commonly referred to as the parable of the talents. A master is leaving on a trip and he entrusts three of his servants with varying sums of money. The one with the most doubles his money, as does the one with the second most (albeit for a smaller overall sum). The third, however, hides his money in the ground.

In short, he goes about his life as though he's been given nothing from his master.

Perhaps the servant wanted more. Perhaps he wanted something different. But rather than using what he had, he disdained the gift he had been given and acted like he had nothing--even though he had quite a lot.

I'd never heard this interpretation of the parable, but it struck me pretty hard. Just like that servant, I'm frequently focused on what I don't have--a romantic relationship, a new car, as much time as I would like, or as much money as I would like. Lacking those things, I often neglect to be thankful for what I do have and appreciate them to the fullest.

I might not have a boyfriend, but I have some great friends. I don't have a new car, but my car runs great and I can use it to help other people, like so many helped me when I didn't have a car. I don't have a ton of free time, but I do have time to do the things I enjoy and to give back. I might not have time to write an entire novel this November, but I could still write a few chapters. I might not have as much money as I would like, but I have more than I did when I was a student, and I can use those funds for things I enjoy and to give back to my church and other ministries that I care about.

I can be grateful and thankful for the many, many blessings I've been given, and actually act like the exist, rather than focusing on what I don't have.

I've been focused on what I don't have for a long time, but I want to change my focus to what I have been given.

Long day at work? I have a few hours now to relax and use for what needs done most.

Don't have $50 extra dollars for new arrows this paycheck? I can still save up and maybe buy them next paycheck.

Don't have great story inspiration? I still have time to sit down and jot a few words on the page.

Don't have energy to read half a book to review tonight? I can still read a few chapters.

Too cold out? I have a coat that I can wear that will help with that.

God's blessed me with more things than I can count--a great family, some amazing friends, good health, a funny dog, a good job, a running car, time to relax, a warm apartment, food on the table...and so many things that I can't even begin to fathom.

More than that, he's given us His Son, Jesus, who has freed us from sin, death, and the devil. We can either act like that gift means nothing to us or we can act like it does. And even when we don't, we can still turn to Him in repentance. He is still faithful and offers us forgiveness, even when we are faithless. And that's definitely something to be thankful for.


Happy Thanksgiving.

Pictures from Wittenburg

As we wrap our celebration of the 500th anniversary of the reformation, I thought that I would share a few pictures from Wittenburg, Germany that I took on my trip over the summer. Hope you enjoy!

Downtown Wittenburg. If you're looking for Luther gifts, you can find it here.

A monument to Luther, about halfway between the two churches he's come to be associated with.

The Theses doors. All 95 theses are printed on them. The original wooden doors were lost.

The Schlosskirche (castle church) where Luther nailed the Theses. The top of the tower has the opening lines to "Ein Feste Burg" (A Mighty Fortress is Our God).

The Stadtkirche (city church) where Luther preached regularly.

Inside of the Stadtkirche.

Luther's House, which is now a museum.

The altar piece in the Schlosskirche. 

The stained glass at the front of the Schlosskirche. For perspective, this is above the altarpiece shown in the picture before. Aside from being beautiful, it was a powerful reminder that, at the end of the day, Jesus is above all else--even famous, snarky theologians. 

I Fear Something Terrible has Happened...

Source

Only this time, it's not that millions of voices cried out in the Force and were suddenly silenced. Rather, the last few books I've read for the blog haven't panned out for one reason or another. Some, like The Chronicles of Riddick, I didn't really expect to review here, while others, such as Dreams of Caladria, didn't strike my fancy enough for me to finish them at this time. I ate through the last of my back-up reviews last week, so there will unfortunately be no Friday Fiction Fix this week.

In the meantime, you can see some short reviews of my recent reads over at Goodreads. I routinely read more than what you see here on the blog, so you can check out some of my other reading interests, as well. (Such as Dante's Inferno or historical novels).

Or, if you aren't into that, you can check out some old full-length reviews at the links below:

By Divine Right, by Patrick W. Carr--Murder investigation meets epic Christian fantasy.

Dreamtreaders, by Wayne Thomas Batson--Christian, middle grade, world-travelling fantasy.

Tainted, by Morgan L. Busse--Christian steampunk with a dash of romance.

Next Friday, I promise to have a new series for you! I'm re-reading a favorite to write up a review for it. Once again, I apologize for the delay.

As always, I'd love to hear your book suggestions! Shoot me an email using the contact form in the sidebar.

The 2017 Tolkien Tag

I finally remembered to post on timefor the Tolkien Blog Party this year! This is an annual event hosted by Hamlette over at "The Edge of the Precipice". She does many read-a-longs, book reviews, and other fun events. I'd definitely encourage you to check her blog out!

How long have you been a Tolkien fan?

Probably since I was around 10 or so. I watched the movies and fell in love with the wit, archery, and swordplay in them. I then found a copy of The Silmarillion at a flea market and absolutely loved it, in spite of its difficult wordings.

Has your love of Middle-earth affected your life?

Besides obnoxiously quoting the books at random points, it's truly affected a lot of the way I think. On probably a weekly basis, I find myself pondering whether one person can change the course of history, the nature of power and duty, whether I have the courage that the characters have in the books (and drawing on them for inspiration), or any other number of Tolkien's concepts. 

If you had to take the One Ring to Mordor, which character would you choose for your sole companion?

Not to be cliche, but probably Samwise. He's the supportive friend we all need and he's already proven that he can resist the temptation of the Ring. Faramir ranks as a close second choice, as he's one of my favorite book characters.

Which is scarier, Shelob or the Balrog?

Shelob. Giant spiders and I don't get along. This is why I will likely never willingly live in Australia.

Which two towers do you think Tolkien was referring to in the title The Two Towers?  (i.e. Orthanc, Barad-dûr, Cirith Ungol, Minas Morgul, or Minas Tirith)

Ooh, a question I had never considered. I think Orthanc and Barad-dur, not only because that's the two I had always assumed, but also because The Two Towers focuses rather centrally on Saruman and Sauron's alliance. If The Return of the King had been named The Two Towers, I might have considered Minas Morgul/Barad-dur and Minas Tirith.

Whose wardrobe would you like to have?

Aslan's!-Wait, wrong author. And wrong type of wardrobe.

Eowyn, I think. I really admire her/empathize with her as a character. She also has a variety of outfits suitable for more formal occasions or riding off to fight the Orcs, so points for versatility.

What do you think an Ent Draught would taste like?

I guess rather planty? As long as it's not like the kale smoothie I had an encounter with a while back. In that case, I'd never grow taller because I wouldn't be able to finish it!

Where in Middle-earth would you like to live?

Rohan. I am growing to like horses. Furthermore, it seems to be a very down-to-Earth sort of place with honest people.

Do you have any Tolkien-related opinions that surprise other people?

Not that I can think of. I think my opinion of him as one of the greatest fantasy authors of all time doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who has read my blog or talked to me for very long.

List up to ten of your favorite lines/quotations from the books or movies.

(I decided to challenge myself a little bit and not repeat any of the ones that I listed last year.)

-Frodo: "What course must I take?" Gandalf: "Towards danger, but not too rashly, nor too straight."

-"Books ought to have good endings." (Frodo)

-"The only just literary critic is Christ, who admires more than does any man the gifts He Himself has bestowed."

-"Shadow lies on me still. Look not to me for healing! I am a shieldmaiden and my hand is ungentle." (Eowyn).

-"N-nothing important. That is, I heard a great deal about a ring, and a Dark Lord and something about the end of the world..." (Sam)

-"But if we stayed home and did nothing, doom would find us anyway, sooner or later." (Treebeard)

Changing Seasons

It's late summer here in the American Midwest. The air has a bit of a different smell to it in the morning, the bugs sound different than when I left for Germany, and there's a subtle darkening in the color of leaves on the trees. School supplies are everywhere in the supermarket and tailgating supplies are making their appearances. Soon it will be fall, the days will get colder and shorter, and it'll be time to break out my hoodies and my apple crisp recipe card.

When I was younger, I used to dislike the changing seasons, especially as summer transitioned to fall. Now I enjoy and appreciate the change in life it brings. (It may also have something to do with the fact that I no longer have high school in the fall. High school and I weren't the best of friends.)

 As I've grown older, I've also started to realize that life has its seasons, just as the year does.

Full confession: I didn't write anything this summer. I haven't even opened a word document to do some editing.

I used to rely on the summer to do the bulk of my editing and writing. It finally clicked for me that I can no longer do that; career jobs don't exactly give you two months out of the year with nothing to do. (Hello, Captain Obvious.) I'll have to figure out how to fit in writing and editing around my already busy schedule.

At first, I was angry about this change. You mean I can't just pound out 5k words a day for three months and take the other nine months off entirely?

Then came a wave of self-doubt. Is it worth it to be writing? Is this something to carry into my next season of life? Should I make time for it? I spent some time ruminating on it and decided that, yes, this is something I want to do.

There's too much I want to write about and dream about to not write.

I used to think that I would pay for my college by writing a great self-published book. That seems silly now. Indeed, the idea of just making something worthy of being published (self-pubbed or otherwise) seems daunting. It's a responsibility. Something to do right or not at all, because it would bear my name on it.

But that doesn't mean that things don't need to be written, because they do. It's how I process the world; I see things through stories, through characters on a page.

I think I still have a lot of growing to do; in fact, I hope I do. It'd be rather sad if I never matured past my young adult self. But I think that it's time I accepted that I'm moving into a different season of life. One where writing is less about influencing people and more about putting out a kernel of truth, even if it just sits on my hard drive and only affects me. One where writing isn't something to pass the time when bored, but something essential to who I am.

It's time to appreciate where I've been, but also to embrace where I'm going. And if that seasonal change brings hoodie
weather, I'm all for it.

How have your thoughts on writing changed as you've grown older?

If you're curious about what I've been up to lately, you can check out my updated biography under the "About Me" tab.

July/August Blog Update

Due to Independence Day celebrations here in the U.S., I didn't have time to crank out a full post. However, I did prepare a quick update on what you can expect from the blog in the near future.

July/August Posting Schedule

I'm going to be out of the country for several weeks, so my posting schedule is going to be sparse at best. I will likely be unavailable to reply to comments toward the end of the month. 

This week, there will be a Friday Fiction Fix and next week will have a normal posting schedule. Then, from July 17th until August 26th, there will be one post per week on Fridays. Most likely, the posts will consist of archive highlights and the occasional book review; it all depends on what I have time to whip up in between packing and practicing my German. 

If by chance you're struck by the sudden inspiration to create a guest post, you can email me in the next couple weeks and I'll be sure to work it into the schedule!

Thanks for your patience through this time!

Posting Topics

I realize that my posting topics have been a little random of late. I'm working on some new post series and ideas. I hope to continue Pastors in Fiction as I read books that provide good material to analyze. I'm also looking to explore some topics relating to villains and the portrayal of good vs. evil once I get back from my trip. I'm sure I'll also come up with a way to incorporate my travels into some blog posts.

Thanks for your patience! Happy Independence Day!

Loading up the TBR List

As many of the sites I rely upon for upcoming releases seem to be behind on updates, I've forgone the "new releases" post for a list of books I've stumbled across that have been (relatively) recently released and have piqued my interest. Excerpts/back cover blurbs taken from Goodreads.com. Enjoy!

The Remnant

William Michael Davidson

Released February 2017

Colton Pierce apprehends Abberants--those who display symptoms of faith--and quarantines them on a remote island to ensure public safety. Years prior, the government released a genetically-engineered super flu that destroyed the genes believed to be the biological source of spiritual experience in an effort to rid the world of terrorism. As an extractor with the Center for Theological Control, Colton is dedicated to the cause.

But Colton's steadfast commitment is challenged when he learns his own son has been targeted for extraction. An underground militia, the Remnant, agrees to help Colton save his son in exchange for his assistance with their plan to free the Aberrants on the island.

Harvest of Prey

Alexander Preston

Released October 2016

A team of naturalists find themselves facing a nightmare beyond anything they have ever known - and the product of unspeakable evil. 

Philip Caster, a former Green Beret now working as a zoologist, leads an international team in Indonesia whose revolutionary new program may spell salvation for the endangered Sumatran tiger. They will release six artificially-conceived cubs into the wild, accompanied by their surrogate mothers. The effort will prove the feasibility of in vitro breeding as a new tool against extinction. But its success is overshadowed by the sudden emergence of a horror beyond reckoning. Something has been unleashed in the forests of Sumatra. A life-form never meant to walk the earth. One that claims humanity as its only prey. 

As death unfolds around them, Caster and his circle of friends must uncover the truth behind an abomination: the instrument of dark and all-too-human forces pursuing a twisted ideological vision. Their creation has killed already - and their plans will consume millions more.

Scarlet Moon

S.D. Grimm

Released October 2016

The hunted Feravolk are counting on Jayden, a seventeen-year-old, dagger-wielding, storm-detecting orphan, to save their race. Maybe they should have thought of that before they killed her family.

The land of Soleden is dying because the sorceress queen hunts and kills the people who cared for all nature, the Feravolk. Through their special bond with animals, the Feravolk have become more than men. Faster, stronger, masters of camouflage and stealth. Only a Deliverer born the night of the Blood Moon can save them from extinction.

According to prophecy, Jayden is a Deliverer, but it’s not a destiny she wants. She has no sympathy for either side. The Feravolk killed her family, so they can die for all she cares. And fighting the queen with nothing but daggers and her special abilities—storm predicting—is a suicide mission. Destiny can pick someone else...

What recent releases from this list or elsewhere have caught your eye? 

I'm still in desperate need of guest posters while I'm traveling next month. Send me an email using the contact form in the side bar if you're interested!

What Hero Does the World Deserve?

Source

This article may contain some mild spoilers for Wonder Woman.

I have a...spotty...attraction to superhero movies. Sure, I like Captain America and Thor (and therefore the Avengers), I was hooked on Arrow for a little while, and I enjoyed The Dark Knight trilogy, but they aren't my go-to genre. Guardians of the Galaxy didn't do too much for me (other than Drax), Man of Steel was forgettable, and I really have no urge to see any of the X-Men movies.

So when my roommate suggested going to see Wonder Woman, I was neither thrilled nor appalled. I didn't expect much out of it.

While I definitely wouldn't classify it as one of my favorite movies, it was a pleasant surprise. It had an interesting exploration of good vs. evil, a touch of humor, and some good fight scenes. Its setting in World War I provided an interesting backdrop.

Aside from the question of evil, I think one of the most interesting aspects of the movie was the idea of what humans deserve. Diana (Wonder Woman) is repeatedly told that the human race does not deserve her help.

In one of the scenes, several of the characters share a drink, toasting: "May we get what we want, get what we need, but may we never get what we deserve."

Obviously, the characters have decided that they don't deserve anything good. It's easy to see why they would think that--the world is embroiled in one of the most bitter and deadly conflicts it had ever seen. Corruption, violence, and depravity surround many of the characters. All have lost something dear to them and many have also lost a sense of their moral compass during the war. Indeed, the human race doesn't seem to deserve a hero--especially a good one.

This attitude is also reflected elsewhere in the DC universe. At the end of The Dark Knight, Lieutenant Gordon says of Batman, "He's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now."

One can conclude from these quotes that it's obvious to the writers of these films that humans don't deserve good things, but they also sometimes need something good, like mercy or grace.

The idea of undeserved redemption is further explored at the climax of Wonder Woman. Faced by her nemesis who offers her one last chance to have her deserved revenge, she replies, "It's not about deserve. It's about what you believe. And I believe in love."

I'm sure the writers didn't stick a "hidden Christian message" into either story, but it certainly brings to mind the fact that we did nothing to earn Christ's sacrifice for us. We deserved death, but instead He became the hero we needed, but didn't deserve, sacrificing Himself for us out of love.

The best art always has at least a shadow of the truth in it.

What recent movie unintentionally reminded you of a Christian idea or concept?

Is Your Villain Scary Enough?

Inspiration for this post came from this episode of Issues Etc., a Christian talk show that analyzes current political events as well as some pop culture trends.

No, seriously, does your villain actually make you worried for your characters? Is there a chance your characters might lose to the villain? How do you show your readers that your main character is in true danger of losing a battle--whether internal or external?

In reflecting on the (many) Christian fiction stories I've read, I think this is something that we struggle with as a genre. We know as Christians that the ultimate battle has been won. Ideally, we should be living like we have that knowledge.

But our fiction doesn't always need to show that right off the bat.

How many times in our lives do we "lose" individual battles--though we know that the war has been won? We cave to sin. We lose people we love. We lose jobs, possessions, friendships, security, abilities...the list goes on.

Life doesn't always feel like we're going to make it through or that we're going to reach our promised happy ending.

Don't let your characters get away with feeling like they're going to get through their story unscathed. Even if they know the whole war has been won, make them doubt that. Make your readers doubt that.

Maybe you have your characters fall dangerously close to the "dark side" due to temptation presented by the villain (the quest for power's a little overdone, but what else does the villain have that your character wants?). Perhaps characters die or lose what's dearest to them.

Don't let your readers think that their favorite characters are perfectly safe. You have to draw your readers into a little bit of fear. Make sure they're actually scared of what the villain can do to your characters, or you'll end up with seemingly invincible characters.

Who's the scariest villain you've seen or read about?